Poetry #23: resolve

[This was originally published in F.U.C.K. poetry Issue #23. The publish date is approximate.]

                     [i feel the] guilt for my
        actions. did I not see her resolve? was
        I scared? or did I not match hers as
        I fled onward in life? [scared to give]
                contemplation yielded to [painful]
        decision. a forced [one second] attrition
                to please her. to puppet the rest
                of my life. snap judgement that
        now brings pain, like the rope to neck. [will
        next week]
        even knowing, will i let it happen? i must
        so dearly live for that pain. single voice
        of unheard merit, cry out in musical hell.
                        why can't i
                explain that i live without her, because
                of my own shortcoming, not hers.
        with a 'no' falling off lips, i silently
        ask you to give me self again. i know i'm
        so wrong, i know my pain will grow.
                        with that
                i lost resolve
        and here i'm damned.            to solitude.

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