[F.U.C.K. is an e-zine that I started on January 24, 1993 and ended on January 24, 2000. One concept is that articles should be timeless if possible, so they were not released with dates. As such, the date on this blog is not exact but I will try to use a date as close as possible.]
Just a few humorous things to ponder over. Kinda makes you wonder who came up with some of this and why we continue with our bizarre ways. Enjoy.
- Why isn’t “phonetic” spelled the way it sounds?
- Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
- Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
- Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
- If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
- Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
- Lisp, if you suffer, you can’t say it.
- Dyslexic, if you suffer, you can’t spell it.
- Why is “monosylabic”, by definition, not?
- How many people with a speech impedement can say “impedement”?
- Why do “fat chance” and “slim chance” mean the same thing?
- If you can’t drink and drive, why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?
- Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
- How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
- If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
- Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
- Why isn’t ‘palindrome’ spelled the same way backwards?
- Why is it that when you transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it’s called cargo?
- You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can’t they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
- Why is it so hard to remember how to spell ‘mnemonic’?
- Why is it called a TV “set” when you only get one?
- Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
- Why does an alarm clock “go off” when it begins ringing?
- Why does “cleave” mean both split apart and stick together?
- Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
- Why is it called a “building” when it is already built?
- Why do they call them “apartments” when they are all stuck together?
- Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?
- Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
- How can someone “draw a blank”?
- Shouldn’t there be a shorter word for “monosyllabic”?
- Why is the word “abbreviate” so long?
- Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
- What is another word for “thesaurus”?
- When they ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
- Why doesn’t “onomatopoeia” sound like what it is?
- Why do ‘tug’ boats push their barges?
- Why do we sing ‘Take me out to the ball game’, when we are already there?
- Why are they called ‘stands’ when they’re made for sitting?
- Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?
- Why does “slow down” and “slow up” mean the same thing?
- Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a “near miss”? Shouldn’t it be called a “near hit”?
- Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?
- Why do light switches say on/off? When it’s on you can see it’s on, when it’s off you can’t see to read.
- How do you know it’s an ENDLESS LOOP?
- Why is FOOTball played by hand?
- If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
- Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
- If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says — “objects in mirror are closer than they appear”, how can that be possible?
- If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
- If you’re in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
- You know how most packages say “Open here”. What is the protocol if the package says, “Open somewhere else”?
- What’s another word for thesaurus?
- Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
- If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
This file brought to you by the Department of Redundancy Department.