#002: Shock Value

[F.U.C.K. is an e-zine that I started on January 24, 1993 and ended on January 24, 2000. One concept is that articles should be timeless if possible, so they were not released with dates. As such, the date on this blog is not exact but I will try to use a date as close as possible.]

shock n (1) : a disturbance in the equilibrium or permanence of something
(2) : a sudden or violent mental or emotional disturbance

Its an interesting thing, this Shock Value. Shock is something that all of us experience at one time or another and if you say you don’t then you are a liar or something. Seems that the younger you are the less you experience it, so typically the older people display more shock than anyone else. You ever stop to think why they do? Me neither. I just like to do stuff that gets that wonderful reaction and surprise the hell out of some poor fool that is gullible enough to fall for simple stuff.

Anyway, I am in college so naturally I make contact with many people any given day. Whether it is in the elevator, the dining hall, or in class I get a chance to interact with other people. So, when near people my friends and I like to say or do stuff that shocks the hell out of other people. Following is a list of some things you can say or do that will usually get a good reaction out of people and make them wonder about you, your relatives, or your friends.

Remember, that the following things are accepted if done by little kids or something. Why is that they are looked down upon if done by older people?

Elevators, Lines, etc. where you have a little time and a few people nearby that will hear what you and your friends say but can’t really move away.

Dad in Jail

Loki: “Hmm. So when is your dad going to get out of jail man?
Scourge: “Not soon. Dumbass got in a fight with another inmate so he won’t make parole this month.
Loki: “What was he in for anyway?
Scourge: “Some kid flipped him off, he had been having a bad day, and he sorta hit the kid while he was driving.
Loki: “Shit. He’s pretty crazy. I remember when he was here for parents day and he pulled a gun on me. I about shit in my pants.
Scourge: “Yeah. Hopefully he won’t be around for parents day this year.


Loki: “I swear. If those damn cops show up again at my door tonight I am gonna be pissed.
Scourge: “Its your fault man. I told you to calm down. Your roommate was only kidding. I’m sure he didn’t know about your mom.
Loki: “I don’t give a shit. He talks about her again I am going to kill him.
Scourge: “You beat the shit out of him last night. I don’t think he will be joking about your mom again after that.
Loki: “He better not.

Conversations like that can often prove to be quite interesting and will will usually get wonderful responses from people nearby. When you do it, you have to be talking in a calm, matter-of-fact voice and that just throws people off and makes it quite believable.

Loki and Doc Z has come up with a few things that will make people think about steering clear of you as well as question your sanity but who gives a shit. Their opinions aren’t worth shit.

  • Upon entering an elevator, lobby, or wherever, just casually turn and look at your shoulder and growl at it. Do a low guttural growl and an occasional bark or two.
  • Bat away those pesky insects that only you can see.
  • Stand in a corner and press up against the wall to conserve space and dart your eyes around as if you are scared of something.
  • If you are walking somewhere, dart behind objects as if you are hiding from someone who might be looking for you.
  • Just start moaning “NOOO! NO! They can’t posses me!
  • Turn to the person beside you, “Are the voices in my head bothering you?
  • Casually say “Man, after carrying a gun all day it starts to get a little uncomfortable.
  • Yell “Mosh!” and start jumping around hitting everyone.
  • Have your friends just stare at a single individual until they look or move away.
  • After the doors shut on an elevator say something like “Bridge” or “Engineering“.
  • If carrying a bag hold it up and say something like “This is a lot of pornos to be watching in one night. Should be a blast
  • Quick touch the person next to you and yell “Tag! Your it.
  • Play the classic game of cooties.
  • Toss an imaginary ball back and forth.
  • At the same time have you and your friends just cover their ears and moan
  • in pain all the while saying “Turn the noise off! Its too loud!
  • Talk in a language that only you and your friends understand.
  • Face a wall or the back of an elevator when waiting, instead of a door or whatever else.

I know a lot of these things may seem wierd or even stupid but the reactions you will get out of them will be quite worth it I guarantee.

+Written by someone at the BackYard
+Help and ideas from Doc Z and Loki

Leave a Reply