#015: Fiction – Take 1

[F.U.C.K. is an e-zine that I started on January 24, 1993 and ended on January 24, 2000. One concept is that articles should be timeless if possible, so they were not released with dates. As such, the date on this blog is not exact but I will try to use a date as close as possible.]

For starters, a fictional story. Read it, then any comments at the end of it. No doubt I will bitch up a storm because there are TOO many of these ignorant bastards in the world.

It was only a ten minute drive to work. The only thing that made it that long was other people on the road. People that shouldn’t be on the road in the first place. Yuppies on their car phones, moms with screaming kids, older people intent upon ‘safety’. All of these people not paying attention to what is going on, causing all sorts of wonderful problems. Changing lanes without signaling, veering over and cutting others off. He hoped it wouldn’t be like Tuesday, where he almost got run off the road, and prayed it wouldn’t be like the Friday before that, where the guy pulled out in front of him while he was doing 40. Both times, he was able to get out of the way and avoid an accident. He didn’t care much about his safety or anything. He just needed his car in one piece so he could get to work, and back. Like everyone else in the world, he was forced to be money’s slave.

Pulling in the parking place he looked at his clock, almost fifteen minutes early today, about the usual. The teenager quickly rolled up the window of his car, locked the door, and jogged inside. An hour later he would be bombarded with the stupidity of humans as they bought their lunch. One hour of prep work before that though, no problem. Little stuff around the restaurant to make things go as smooth as possible. He changed the chalkboard sign so it listed the daily specials, the soup of the day, and the two new items on the menu. Hung it back on the wall right behind his cash register. In front of his register was a printed copy of the menu listing all the ingredients of each meal, the calorie count, and how much fat was in it. He worked at a restaurant that catered to a ‘healthy minded appetite’.

Few more chores out of the way, he counted his register. One hundred and fifty dollars. That was always good to start and could cover anything he needed. Looking at the clock, the time approached 11:00 am, opening time. With a final swig of his diet coke, he walked back out front. Standing at his register he was in a good enough mood, ready to take on the lunch rush. It was always busy, about 2 hours of time, and hundreds of customers each day within that time. Between the nature of the store, and being next to the hospital, it was guaranteed customers. Glancing up, he sees his first customer walk through. Sigh.

With a smile on his face he began the busiest part of his 6 hour shift. As usual, three registers, 300 people it seemed, but all the people on the registers knew what they were doing. They each knew the menu, the prices, and the ingredients, and what they didn’t know was on paper nearby. The first hundred people, all daily customers, make the job enjoyable almost, starting brief, but friendly conversation, helping them with what they needed and moving on to the next customer. A little after 12 things start going down hill as usual. Fewer customers, first time customers, and other small things that rapidly grew on him.

A group of three walk in the door. Obviously their first or second time in. Walking in, looking around and smiling, looking to see if they seat themselves or walk up to the huge counter with three people standing behind cash registers. Realization hits, and they move closer. Three yuppies, all in early thirties, two with mobile phones, and all of them with this look of superiority. First one steps up further and the guy behind the register offers the man a menu with a list of items, and ingredients, then reminds him that he is welcome to ask any questions. Yuppie1 looks down at the menu for two seconds and back up to the menu with only the prices behind the counter.

“Hi. I have been here before, but my friends haven’t so I will order for them.”
“Ok sir. What can I get for you?”
“I will take the daily special, my friend will take the combo special and the other will have the ‘Very Vegetarian’..”

<‘Oh yeah, you have been here. You just managed to order the three most vague orders you can get. Read the fucking menu.’>
“Ok. First, there are three daily specials, , which would you like?”
“Oh. Uhhm……I will take the Italian.”
<‘Didn’t I just point to this big board in front of you stating all the specials…is Italian on there? I don’t think so. Get a clue dipshit.’>
“Sir? Today we don’t have the Italian, we have these three. .” sigh
“Oh. I will take the Santa Fe. And I want a potato with that.”
<‘Duh? Doesn’t the big board say that comes with it?>
“Sir. It comes with a potato. Next, the combo special. That comes with a half sandwich, your choice of soup, salad, or potato and then your choice of chips, pasta, or fruit.”
“Lessee. Which sandwich do you recommend?”
“I like the roast beef sandwich. It is really good.”
“Hmm. I will take the chicken sandwich.”

<‘Don’t take my suggestion, then ask for one of the two sandwiches we don’t do on the combo special. Ignore all the others that we DO do.’>
“Sir. We can’t do the chicken sandwich or the one below it on a combo special. The menu here shows which ones you can choose from.”
“Oh. I will take the Turkey sandwich.”

<‘Like the menu says asshole, you have a few choices to make. You want just the sandwich? Bet that is a real combination eh?’>
“And would you like soup, potato, or salad?”

“I get my choice?”
<‘Are we deaf AND dumb? Get a fucking clue please’>
“Yes sir.”
“I will take the potato.”

“And would you like chips, pasta, or fruit?”

“Chips are tortilla chips, pasta is a oil based pasta salad, and the fruit of the day is watermelon.”
<‘Wow! A full master’s degree and you can’t figure that out?!’>
“Hmm…….I will have chips.”

“Ok. And on the third, the ‘Very Vegetarian’, would you like the VV sandwich, salad, or taco?”
“You mean it comes in all three?”
<‘No dumbass, I am making this up. Read the fucking menu.’>
“I think I will take the sandwich.”
<‘sigh And you can’t read either eh?’>
“Would you like chips, pasta, or fruit? That choice is with ALL sandwiches.’”
“Uhh. I think I will take pasta.”

<curse from the employee. With a order half rung up I can’t help anyone else>

Minutes pass while the fucking yuppie talks about racquetball later with his bed buddies.

“Ok sir. What would you like to drink?”

“Give us 3 cold drinks.” “They only know the difference between hot and cold drinks here.”

“Cold drinks sir? Coke? Tea? Lemonade? Shake? Slush? We have a lot of cold drinks.”

“Oh. Three cokes please.”
<’bout damn time’>
“Your total will be 18.42”

<‘You couldn’ fucking hit 110 at the ATM? Got to have those nice big bills to impress your loser friends?’>

“Excuse me you fucking yuppies. Please get the hell out of this store and get the hell out of my face. You are such a dumb ass yuppie who doesn’t know shit about the real world.”
“Let me see your manager!”

“You said that to him?!?”
“Yup. Sure did. Doesn’t he look like a fucking loser?”
“Your fired! I am extremely sorry about all this.”
“Ok. See ya!”

“Hi! Boy I sure love when you ignorant bastards come through my line acting like you know everything about the restaurant. Why the hell do you think I am here? Because I know this shit better than you. All three of you are fucking perversions of nature, and shouldn’t be allowed to roam around. You sit back with your master’s degrees which you got by cheating people, bribing others, and bullshitting your way through, and you expect to come in and treat ME like the incompetent? That isn’t how it works.”

“I think I will do society a favor today.”

“There. Go rot in a hospital and do something good for society. Spend your money somewhere else, and stay the fuck out of public.”

The enD.

Anyway, you get the point. Fucking lameness abounds and seemingly I get stuck with it all. I get so sick and tired of dealing with other people’s shit, and cleaning up after them. People are so sloppy, so ignorant, so conceited, and overall, so unaware, it is pathetic.

Fix it. If not someone else. You. It all starts with YOU making sure you don’t fit in the above category. If you don’t, then that alone makes you a plus to society, regardless of anything else.

Believe that. Not the bullshit you are fed by your parents, or other adults. And make sure you don’t believe the hype. Don’t be a yuppie. Don’t be this. Don’t be that. Be yourself. That is the one thing I learned from a good friend and to date, that has held up. And something tells me it will continue to do so.

p.s. Thanx goes out to S.L. aka Bulldog. He got through to me.

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