After removing many half-eaten Styrofoam peanuts I found the contents of this box sent by Punkis. Yes, that Punkis; the old, old, decrepit Attrition.org staff member. Bromancing the stone with Modify all those years he left the traffic of the greater Los Angeles region for the warm wonderful climate of a state within spitting distance of Canada. I invited him to our Discord server, he sent me this box. I need to invite him to more things, including the 7th annual aluminum foil eating contest hosted by Lyger.
The first thing that stood out to me was that book. What a truly wonderful book! It seems really familiar, like I might have read it in the past? Then I realized… THAT WAS MY BOOK. That asshole had it for 20 years and finally returned it. I knew he reads slow but wow…
A few highlights from the box. First, a bottle from Punkis’ stash of Horny Goat Weed, a “dietary supplement” for “libido support“. Apparently he stocked up for the pandemic and had too much stock. Bottle “sealed for your protection” a lesson he never learned even after his 18th kid.
The “Squirrel in Underpants” air freshener is a nice touch. He sent it to me after it hung in his truck for two years never making it smell better. I appreciate the unwrapped gifts like this.
The third item is actually not from his pandemic planning stash. He apparently bought 2,000 bottles of this “I Just Shit in the Woods” hand sanitizer years ago, never knowing it would be a life saver. Like many things, he overestimated how much he’d need by a wee bit.
Finally, he sent me one of his kidney stones but had the courtesy of making a nice little card saying it was this magical fossilized coral that was alive 350 million years ago. Hell, it’s probably a relative one generation removed.
I haven’t seen Punkis in a decade and more, but he certainly hasn’t lost his touch on sending the love. <3